Even though I lived in the basement, I heard a loud pounding on the front door. It was 330 in the morning, who the hell would be here at 330 in the morning?!
Well, it was a random lady, driving either an icecream truck or a survalence van. She was walking away by the time I got to the door, but she slid a note under the door.
"Dear Lizza,
How dare you go against our wishes. We hear everything. You will never find a father for those children as good as Nigel and you sure as hell won't be able to support them on your own. You went against our wishes. If you don't go and fix things, expect a social worker at your door to send bring your kids to live with me in Brigdgeport. and they'll be raised by me, your father, Nigels father and mother, and Nigel. Get ready for hell to be raised. Watch your back"
-Ma
I picked up Tamara and knew I wouldn't let anyone hurt them. I had never been so scared in my life. Tamara and Savannahs' birthdays are tomorrow and we just moved into our new house. We couldn't just pack everything back up. But that is the only option I could think of. I didn't know any other way to keep them safe and away from my family and their fathers. I didn't want them to be raised like that.
Lexington is a sweetheart. He noticed how shaken I was and asked if there was anything him and Penny could do. All the kids took the divorce hard, but they were all getting by. Penny seemed to put all the blame on herself because she's still too young to understand her fathers nature.
Penny and Lexington spent a lot of time playing with the babies while I tried to figure out what we needed to do.
After the babies birthdays all the girls spent some quality time playing pretend. While I spent time researching towns as far away from here and Bridgeport as possible.
After hours of trying to find somewhere suitabled I found Sugar Valley. An up and coming small city. It's safe, plenty of jobs, great school, 1250 miles away from Alpossa and nearly 2000 miles away from Bridgeport. Perfect. Half our stuff was still in boxes and Lexington and Penny are about to go to High School so they would be leaving their friends either way.
We caught the midnight grayhound out to Sugar Valley. After about 10 hours of "are we there yets" We finally arived at our way too small house.
With barely 20,000 simolians this was all we could afford. A small, 1 bedroom, 1 bath house. For 5 people. And only 200 simoliens in the pocket. But I told the kids that nothing was going to be easy, but everything would be better in the long run.
And then came the birthdays. Both Lexington and Penny turned 14 and would be starting high school the next day. Lexington gained Star Quality, and Penny gained Rebellious.
I actually had to work, for once. I had to get all of us out of the one bedroom. I want the kids to be able to have friends over and parties and all the fun stuff people normally do with their kids.
While I'm at work Penny and Lexington are awsome. They help the kids with their homework, clean the house, have dinner on the table and the kids to bed before I even get home.
Lexington LOVES reading to the kids. I thought it was cute..
And Penny got a job at the bookstore! She says she feels like the reason we had to leave was because of her so she was trying to do everything possible to make things a little easier.
So far, everything is going better than I could have ever expected. The only thing is we're one of the only "non rainbow" families in the town. Which after we got there I was scared the kids would get bullied and harrased.
But everything seems to be going fine!
Ha if I didn't just download that town, I would have left them there to deal with all that shit. But I wanted to play that town so I made them move :D
ReplyDeletePART 1
ReplyDeleteI think you have a great start! However, I would like to offer you some ways that I think you can improve your story-telling. This is from one writer to another, and I wouldn't be writing all this out if I didn't think your story had some serious potential! :3
1. Show, don't tell.
This is something many writers have a problem with. Rather than just going about and saying "oh, so here's what happened in my game today", try making it have more of a story feel. This can be done in a few ways. A) Make the story seem more real by adding "real life" aspects to it, like normal time rather than Sim time. (For example, from the time the kids are born, until they turn 5. That's a 5 year gap. Lots of things can happen in five years. There has to be a feel that 5 years have actually passed in the plot of the story. Yes, this can sometimes mean that you might need a filler chapter or two, but all in all, it really makes your story, and characters seem much more real, and that makes it easier to connect with them)
B) Use more character-to-character conversation. Rather than having the story simply be narrated, move it along with the characters interactions with the other characters. This also gives the readers a chance to really get to know the characters and their personalities. It's also a very easy, and fun way to write!
C)Go in to more detail via the eyes of the character. You're writing in first person, ("I did this", "I said that", "I went here"), stick to that and remember, your character doesn't know everything! She only knows what you let her know. Stay within her perspective. First person is normally easy to write in if you can develop an emotional connection with your character.
2. Go into more detail!
Your back story sounds fascinating, but it seems as if you kind of rushed through it, just to tell us and move on. You really haven't given your audience very much to work with, or to connect with. Why is the mother so horrible? Was she forced into a similar situation? What *exactly* did Lizza do to be so forcefully shoved away from her family? WHY do they hate her? The reasons you listed are rather shallow and don't add up to the level of distaste that the family shows. Why does the family like Nigel so much? Why do they want him to be with her? How did Lizza go over 10 years without realizing that Nigel hadn't changed? What do the kids think of their father? What do they think of the current situation? What does Lizza think? How does her family track her? You have very good ideas, they just aren't fully developed. Your entire story seems very rushed, which is a shame because I think if you slowed down and gave more detail, you'd have a FANTASTIC story on your hands! (: Details are your best friends, and so is adding emotion. Don't just say the character is frustrated, tell us why and how and make us FEEL her frustration!
PART 2
Delete3) Make the images bigger.
When you're typing up your story and you add the pictures, click on them once and make them the "X-Large" size. This fills up the page much better, and gives you a much better view of the scene.
4) Take better pictures.
You can do this very easily with just a few, minor tweaks.
1. NEVER, EVER take a picture in buy mode! It doesn't look right. If you need to pause the game for a shot, pause the game.
2. Always make sure that when you're taking a picture, you have the walls up! The point of telling a story is to make it seem real, and while this is in the "simverse" perse, I don't think the sims can see through walls...
3. Use the cheat "hideheadlineeffects on" without the quotation marks. It hides the plumbob (green shiny thing) and the thought/speech bubbles.
4. Cmomoney's Pose Player is a GREAT tool for story telling, and it should be utilized! Here's the link if you don't know what I'm talking about: http://www.modthesims.info/d/438706
I honestly hope that you found this helpful and that it will help you in your story telling. Everything said here was meant to be constructive and help you grow as a writer! Best of luck! Can't wait to see more (:
Kandyi, Thank you so much for all the advice! I've been just writing and hoping someone could tell me how to make it better and finally someone did! Hahah
DeleteI really appreciate and what exactly does that mod do?
You're very welcome! Ahaha, I know the feeling, ahaha, so if I can, I like to leave a LOT of hopefully helpful feedback. :D I'm glad you found what I suggested to be helpful! :D
DeleteEssentially, you download it and then you can download poses that your sims can do to tell the story better. Sims will stay in the pose until you cancel it, and if you use the cheat "moveobjects on" without quotations and then go into buy mode, you can move your sims wherever you wanted them to be placed. It's an incredibly useful tool (:
Oh thats awsome! Im deffinetly going to play around with that later after i get caught up with my homework -_-
Delete